“Are We Okay??” – How to Know It’s Time to Renew Your Bond – and How to Do it
Every relationship—no matter how strong—faces moments of disconnection. Over time, life’s stressors, unmet needs, or unspoken hurts can erode the closeness we once felt with a partner. In those moments, we may find ourselves wondering: Are we still okay? Are we still close?
Drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, we know that love is not just a feeling—it’s a vital bond. When that bond frays, it impacts our emotional well-being and our ability to face challenges together. The good news? Bonds can be renewed. Love is not lost; it may simply need a path home.
How Do You Know It’s Time to Renew the Bond?
You might notice signs such as:
- Feeling more like roommates than lovers or companions.
- Frequent misunderstandings or arguments that don’t get resolved.
- One or both of you withdrawing emotionally or physically.
- A sense of loneliness even when you’re together.
- Less affection, intimacy, or expressions of care.
These are signals—not of failure—but of disconnection. EFT teaches us that when people feel emotionally unsafe or unsure of their place in the relationship, they protect themselves by pulling away or becoming critical. But underneath those behaviors is often a longing to feel close again.
Why Renewing the Bond Matters
In EFT, love is seen as an attachment bond—just like between a parent and child. When couples feel securely attached, they can be vulnerable, resolve conflict more easily, and feel like they’re on the same team. Renewing your bond doesn’t just heal past hurts; it strengthens your foundation for the future.
Steps to Renew Your Bond
- Recognize the Cycle
Notice the negative pattern you fall into. Is it “pursue–withdraw”? “Criticize–defend”? Identifying the dance is the first step to changing it. - Name the Emotions Beneath the Reactions
EFT invites us to look under the surface. Instead of focusing on who’s “right,” we ask: What are each of you feeling deep down? Often it’s fear, hurt, or a longing to feel accepted. - Risk Vulnerability
This is where the shift begins. Sharing softer emotions (“I miss feeling close to you,” instead of “You never make time for me”) creates space for connection. - Respond with Empathy
When one partner reaches out, the other must tune in. EFT research shows that responsive presence—offering comfort, not solutions—can heal old wounds. - Create New Moments of Bonding
As you both learn to respond differently, you can start building new positive experiences together—moments of safety, joy, and emotional closeness.
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
This work can be powerful—and hard. If you’re noticing signs of disconnection in your relationship, reaching out for support is a wise and courageous step. At North Bay Counselling, we are passionate about helping couples rediscover their connection. You don’t have to wait until things are “really bad.” Repair is possible at any stage.
Let us help you renew your bond—because you both deserve to feel seen, safe, and deeply connected.
To schedule a session, reach out to North Bay Counselling today.
