Speaking Love So Your Partner Can Heart It
By: Jennifer Taun, MSW, RSW at North Bay Counselling
Have you ever found yourself saying, “I’m doing everything I can to show my partner I care… but they still don’t feel loved”?
Or maybe you’ve felt frustrated thinking, “Why don’t they see how much I do for them?”
This is where the concept of love languages can be a game-changer for couples.
Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The 5 Love Languages introduced the idea that we all give and receive love in different ways—and that miscommunication in relationships often happens not because we don’t love each other, but because we’re not expressing it in the way our partner truly understands.
The 5 Love Languages
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service Actions speak louder than words here. You feel loved when your partner helps with tasks, runs errands, or steps in to ease your burden.
- Think: making dinner, folding laundry, or handling the morning rush.
- Quality Time You feel most connected through shared experiences, undivided attention, and time together—without distractions.
- Physical Touch Hugs, holding hands, kisses, back rubs—these are vital ways of expressing love for you.
“I love you,” “You mean so much to me,” or “I’m proud of you” go a long way.
• Receiving Gifts
It’s not about materialism—it’s about the meaning behind the gift.
A thoughtful card, your favorite snack, or a surprise flower can feel like, “I see you. I was thinking of you.”
It’s not just being in the same room; it’s being present with each other.
Touch becomes a language of comfort, safety, and intimacy.
Why Love Languages Matter in Relationships
It’s easy to assume that the way we show love is how our partner will feel it too—but that’s not always the case.
For example:
- One partner may be showing love by doing all the housework (acts of service), while the other is craving cuddles on the couch (physical touch).
- Or someone may be planning weekly date nights (quality time) while their partner is longing to hear “I love you” out loud (words of affirmation).
Both are trying—but both may still feel unseen. That’s why learning each other’s love language is like discovering a secret door to emotional connection.
How to Start the Conversation
- Learn Your Own and Your Partner’s Love Language
Take the quiz together on 5lovelanguages.com or reflect on: - How do I most naturally show love?
- When do I feel most cared for?
- Talk About What Fills Your Love Tank
- Practice Each Other’s Language
Even if it’s not your natural style, it’s a way of saying, “I’m learning to love you in the way you need.” - Appreciate the Effort
When Love Languages Aren’t Enough
Love languages are powerful, but they aren’t a fix-all. Sometimes deeper issues—like trust, resentment, or past hurts—get in the way. If your relationship feels stuck even when you’re trying to connect, you may need support to unpack the underlying patterns.
At North Bay Counselling, we help couples:
- Explore emotional needs beneath love language preferences
- Heal attachment wounds
- Rebuild connection from the inside out
If you’re ready to feel more connected, supported, and truly seen in your relationship, we’re here to help.
Contact North Bay Counselling today to book a session.
Let’s help you speak the language of love—fluently, and from the heart. 
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Co-Owners of Restful Parenting
At Restful Parenting, we bring you over 15 years of experience working with children of all ages and their parents. We are both Early Childhood Educators and Infant and Child Sleep Consultants and have extensive experience in early childhood development as well as a natural ability to understand children and their sleep.
