When Parents Separate
Separation and divorce are some of the most difficult life transitions a family can face. When parents decide to part ways, the effects ripple through every member of the family—especially the children. As a therapist working closely with families, I’ve seen firsthand how the process of separation doesn’t need to be damaging. What makes the biggest difference is not that parents separate—but how they do it.
The Hidden Damage: Parent Conflict During Separation
- Arguing in front of children
- Criticizing the other parent in earshot
- Forcing (intentionally or unintentionally) children to take sides
- Using children as messengers or emotional confidants
- Eye-rolling, cold silences, or hostile body language
- Withholding information or parenting coordination
- Refusing to attend events if the other parent is present
Signs Your Child May Be Struggling
- Anxiety or depression
- School refusal or declining performance
- Sleep issues or nightmares
- Behavioral outbursts or aggression
- Withdrawal or regressive behaviors (e.g., bedwetting, clinginess)
- Trouble with peer relationships
Strategies for Co-Parenting—Even When It’s Hard
You don’t have to like each other to parent well together. What your child needs most is to see that both parents are trying their best to cooperate. Here are some strategies:
- Establish a Communication Plan: Choose neutral, respectful channels like email or co-parenting apps to reduce emotional charge.
- Focus on the Child’s Needs: Keep the child’s well-being at the center of all decisions and conversations.
- Avoid Blame: Use “I” statements rather than attacking language. (“I’d like us to agree on bedtime routines” vs. “You never stick to bedtime.”)
- Keep Adult Issues Between Adults: Never involve children in financial, legal, or emotional matters between parents.
- Present a United Front When Possible: Coordinate rules, routines, and expectations to give children a sense of stability.
The Power of Working Together
- Increased emotional security
- Higher self-esteem
- Better academic performance
- Healthier future relationships
- Less likelihood of mental health struggles
How North Bay Counselling Can Support Your Family
At North Bay Counselling, we understand how challenging this time can be, and we’re here to help both parents and children navigate the journey with support, clarity, and care. Our services include:
- Individual therapy for parents and children, helping each person process emotions in a safe, supportive environment.
- Family therapy to strengthen communication, repair ruptures, and foster cooperative co-parenting.
- Triple P Parenting (Positive Parenting Program), which provides practical strategies for managing behavior and building positive relationships.
- Circle of Security Parenting, a relationship-based program that helps parents understand and respond to their child’s emotional needs, and is especially powerful when done together—even after separation.
We encourage both parents—whether you’re friends, neutral, or struggling with one another—to take these programs together. Not for each other. But for your children.
Because even if your relationship is ending, your role as co-parents is just beginning. Your child’s sense of safety and well-being depends on both of you.
Do it for them. Even if it’s hard. Even if you don’t like each other. They deserve to see that, above all else, their parents are trying.
Learn more about Parenting:
Meet Pam & Elisa
Co-Owners of Restful Parenting
At Restful Parenting, we bring you over 15 years of experience working with children of all ages and their parents. We are both Early Childhood Educators and Infant and Child Sleep Consultants and have extensive experience in early childhood development as well as a natural ability to understand children and their sleep.
